BIRTH STORY: A Little Miracle
12.4.2014
It was Saturday, 00:42, and my belly was dancing back and forth. I actually smiled. At 4:35 AM, I was woken by a downward pressure, a strong urge to pee. When I stood up, I felt a pain in my lower back. I didn’t pay much attention to it, as my back often hurt because I was supposedly “carrying behind.” At 6:05 AM, Nejc was getting ready for work when I was again woken by a pain in my lower back that spread across my ovaries. I didn’t pay attention. Then, I woke up again an hour and a half later, and it was the same, slightly more intense pain. That’s when I “maybe” realized that things were slowly starting. Strong emotions and fear overwhelmed me. I thought to myself: “Will I be able to do it? What if something goes wrong?” I was a little scared. But at the same time, I trusted myself, as I had to and wanted to try my best to hold this little treasure in my arms! Attending prenatal yoga with Izidora in Mb, where I went for the last 3 months before giving birth, also helped. I am endlessly grateful to her, because she taught me relaxation and connecting with my unborn child.
I woke up and asked my mom if these might be contractions, as they were only in my back and spreading slightly towards my ovaries. My mom replied that of course, and that contractions don’t necessarily have to be only in the belly. Then I got dressed, ate, and had the feeling that this was the last time I would be alone, alone with myself and with the little kicker in my belly. Since I had no appetite, I didn’t eat much that day.
I informed Nejc that I was having contractions, which were 20-30 minutes apart and mild. Judging by his voice, he was scared, but at the same time very eager to meet our little miracle. All day I was preparing myself to finally meet our little joy today… I rested, slept, and watched TV. At 2 PM, my husband arrived home from work.
The contractions continued every 20 minutes, some even every 45. I asked Nejc if we could go for a walk, but he refused, saying I wouldn’t go out like that, what if my water broke somewhere! I wanted to go for a walk, as walking felt very good, but because of his fear that my water would break, we decided to just sit on the terrace. I would just walk around the house. At 6:30 PM, we were outside. He was drinking coffee, and I was having raspberry tea. At 7 PM, such a strong contraction hit me that I couldn’t get up from the bench. It lasted about 30 seconds.Slowly, gently, and relaxed, I breathed through it, just as Izidora had taught us. It subsided. I went inside, took a shower, and asked Nejc to make me a warm sandwich and milk. I was incredibly hungry, but my appetite just wasn’t there. At 10 PM, we went to bed, and I watched a movie. I told Nejc to get some sleep, as we might have to go during the night. But I couldn’t sleep, as I was counting contractions. So many thoughts, positive and negative feelings, rushed through my head. “Will I be able to do it? Will I be a good mom?” I had been preparing for 9 months to become a mother. But at that moment, I froze when I knew it was real and that in a few hours I would become a mother to such a small, helpless creature.
The contractions intensified significantly around 10:30 PM. I timed them. Contractions every 10 minutes. I fell asleep for a bit. Being at home during contractions was the best thing. I created my own environment. I “forgot” about the pain a little, I relaxed. The home environment calmed me down a lot.
Sunday: April 13, 2014
It was 00:30 AM when the contractions intensified significantly. They were every 6 minutes and lasted about 25 seconds. Since the maternity hospital was less than 15 minutes away, I decided to wait a little longer. I got up because I had to go to the toilet, and suddenly I felt a pop, and a little amniotic fluid leaked. All excited and completely calm, I went to the toilet, and a little more flowed out. I woke Nejc. Contractions were already every 5 minutes, quite intense. I told him we had to go. But in that confusion and in the middle of the night, the poor guy didn’t know where to go. I got dressed, put a towel between my legs, we took the bag, and we left. Contractions were already every 4 minutes. At 1:24 AM, we arrived at the maternity hospital, where a very kind midwife admitted me. I changed into a gown that was 5 sizes too big for me. Now I knew it was real. I felt very calm, yet so full of adrenaline that I could move mountains. When I changed, there was another pregnant woman with me who was also going to give birth. Emotions then surfaced. I cried in the bathroom! I wanted to be away from everyone! But my Nik reminded me again that I could do it, and he wanted out! “With every contraction, I’m closer to you, my darling!” I thought to myself. I couldn’t wait to meet him!
She checked how dilated I was and said 2-3 cm, then did an amniotic fluid test, which was, of course, immediately positive. I filled out some more papers and left the admission office.
I thought to myself: “Only 3 cm?!” The midwife suggested that my partner could go home to rest if he wanted. I was a little scared, but I completely trusted the midwife and, of course, myself!
Nejc was waiting outside, and I told him it would take a while longer because I was barely at 3 cm and he could still go home, while I would go to the delivery room. Of course, he refused and insisted on staying with me. And even though I knew I could do it, as we had learned many relaxing techniques in yoga… I secretly wished he would stay with me! To encourage me… and now I know I wouldn’t have made it without him! He was the support I truly needed. And thank you 100 times for that.
So we went to the room where we would finally meet our treasure! My wish was to give birth semi-sitting, in an alternative room with balls, a rocking chair… But unfortunately, it wasn’t available. Besides, I couldn’t go there anyway, as my water had broken and I had to lie strictly still. I didn’t get an explanation as to why I had to lie down, but they probably wanted to avoid potential complications. I lay down on the bed, and the midwife hooked me up to the CTG. The contractions were intensifying, they were very strong!
At 5:00 AM, a male midwife appeared in the room! “Oh…” I thought, “I’m not going to have a male midwife, I want a woman!!” When he entered the room and told us that he would be with us from now on, I felt a little ashamed. Ashamed because I thought that probably every woman wants to be seen more by women than by men in this situation. But… he was so calming, he encouraged me so much and tried his best to help me give birth as soon as possible! He gave his all! And if I ever had a choice again of who I wanted as a midwife, I would definitely choose him. He was a midwife with a heart, who told us everything that was happening as it unfolded.
He examined me and said we were at a good 4 cm. I didn’t want to hear that! I know that for birth, I need to be 10 cm dilated. Almost a day and a half of contractions and only at 4 cm! The contractions already felt so strong that I was 100% sure I was at least at 6 cm. But I didn’t forget Izidora’s words, “During a contraction, relax, drift away to where it calms you, and know that with every contraction, you are closer to your baby!”. And that gave me extra motivation to see the birth through to the end!
Around 5:30 AM, they gave me something intravenously. “Ah,” I thought, “this is 100% an IV for dehydration!” Then the contractions intensified again. Then I realized that they had, of course, given me artificial oxytocin because my contractions weren’t strong enough! Now they were every 2 minutes and so strong that I cried, begged for help, my back was burning, I felt like I was tearing apart down below, I was vomiting from the intensity, everything hurt, pushing downwards. I couldn’t take it anymore! I noticed the pain in Nejc’s eyes too. He couldn’t help me.
Around 6:30 AM, they gave me something for the pain. But it was only for my psyche, as it didn’t help at all!! The contractions were so strong that I thought I would collapse, and I only vaguely saw my husband, almost with tears in his eyes. It was excruciatingly painful! They gave me a mask, thank God for that mask! The laughing gas took me to another world… and even though I was high from the gas, I felt the contractions very strongly. They cut into the depths of my soul! I just wanted to hug my husband, tell him how much I loved him and how much it meant to me that he was by my side! But I couldn’t. The pain was unbearable, the downward pressure so strong that I thought I would tear apart! The male midwife appeared, examined me at 8:30 AM, and said: “We’re at 7 cm, just a little more!” “Ahh, I won’t make it, give me a C-section,” I thought, “it hurts so much.”
At 11 AM, he examined me again. He kept his hand inside, stretching me during a contraction! “Ouch!” At 11:15 AM, I finally heard the magic words. “Madam, we’re going to deliver.”
I wanted to give birth semi-sitting. They instructed me to lift my legs, bring my head to my chest, and hold myself under my knees. I gathered my last strength. I pushed. Nejc held one leg, I held the other. In between, I asked… “Can you see the head? Does he have a lot of hair?” It burned, and then Bojan told me he would have to make a small cut, otherwise I might tear, and the birth would take 2 hours longer! “Oh no… Just cut!” It stung a little. But I trusted the staff at the maternity hospital. The male midwife explained that I could tear and that the birth could take another 2 hours if he didn’t… I don’t know if the cut was necessary or not. I only know that I wouldn’t have lasted those extra 2 hours! So, thank God he cut.
I pushed one more time! The head was out. I pushed 2 more times, and such a tiny boy flew out of me. Our wonderful son is born! At 11:35 AM, they lifted him up and said: “It’s a boy!”
Small, messy, and with a trembling cry, they placed him on my belly, and time stopped. That’s when all emotions surfaced. That’s when I became a MOM! These are feelings that cannot be described!
They took Nik away. They stitched me up, and in the meantime, Nejc informed our relatives that Nik had been born.
For this little being, every second of suffering, every breathed-through contraction, every tear, and every pain was worth it! For you, Nik, I would go through it all again! I love you! My birth was as I had somewhat expected, full of emotions, tears, and laughter. But what I remember most is when they pulled this tiny creature out of me and when Nejc “broke” the bond between me and the baby – it was his wish to cut the umbilical cord, and he did!
Thank you to my Nejc, who encouraged me and breathed through contractions with me, and stood by me throughout the entire pregnancy and birth. Thank you for giving me our son!
Thank you to the midwife who admitted me and was with me.
Thank you to the male midwife who worked hard to bring our little treasure into the world.
Thank you to my family!
Thank you to my golden April moms, who encouraged me and shared, and will continue to share, every joy and sorrow with me.
Thank you, Izidora, for teaching me relaxation and encouraging me in yoga.
Thank you all!
Nina
