BIRTH STORY: A little miracle
12.4.2014
It was Saturday, 00:42, and my belly was dancing from side to side. It actually made me laugh. At 4:35 in the morning I woke up with pressure downward, I really needed to pee. When I got up, my lower back hurt. I didn’t pay much attention to it, because my back had often hurt, since apparently I was “carrying in the back.” At 6:05 in the morning, Nejc was getting ready to go to work when pain in my lower back woke me again, spreading across my ovaries. I didn’t pay attention. Then I woke up again an hour and a half later, and the same pain again, a bit more intense. That’s when I “maybe” realized it was slowly starting. Strong emotions washed over me, and fear too. I thought: “Will I manage? What if something goes wrong?” I was a little scared. But at the same time I trusted myself, because I had to and I wanted to do my best to hold this little treasure in my arms! Going to prenatal yoga with Izidora in Maribor also helped, and I’d been going for the last 3 months before the birth. I’m endlessly grateful to her, because she taught me how to relax and connect with my unborn baby.
I wake up and ask my mum if these could maybe be contractions, since they were only in my back and were spreading a little toward my ovaries. Mum says of course, and that contractions don’t have to be only in your belly. Then I get dressed and eat, and I had the feeling that this was the last time I was alone—alone with myself and with the little kicker in my belly. Since I didn’t have an appetite, I didn’t really eat much that day.
I let Nejc know I’m having contractions—mild, every 20–30 minutes. From his voice, he sounded scared, but also very impatient to meet our little miracle. All day I was preparing for the fact that today I would finally meet our little happiness… I rest, sleep, and watch TV. At 2 PM my husband gets home from work.
The contractions continue every 20 minutes, some even every 45. I ask Nejc if we can go for a walk, but he refuses, saying I’m not going anywhere like that—what if my waters break somewhere! I wanted to go for a walk because walking felt really good, but because of his fear that my waters would break, we decided to just sit on the terrace. Fine, I’ll just walk around the house. At 6:30 PM we’re outside. He’s having coffee, and I’m having raspberry leaf tea. At 7 PM I get such a strong contraction that I couldn’t get up from the bench. It lasts about 30 seconds.Slowly, gently, and relaxed, I breathe through it, just like Izidora taught us. It passes. I go inside, take a shower, and ask Nejc to make me a warm sandwich and milk. I’m insanely hungry, but my appetite just isn’t there. At 10 PM we go to bed and I watch a movie. I tell Nejc to get some sleep, because we might need to go during the night. But I couldn’t sleep because I was counting contractions. So many thoughts—positive and negative feelings—ran through my head. “Will I manage? Will I be a good mum?” I’d been preparing for all 9 months to become a mum. But in that moment I froze, when I knew it was real and that in a few hours I’d become a mother to such a tiny, stubborn little being.
The contractions got much stronger around 10:30 PM. I time them. Contractions every 10 minutes. I fall asleep a little. Being at home during contractions was one of the best things. I created my own environment. I “forgot” the pain a little, relaxed. Being at home really calmed me.
Sunday: 13 April 2014
It was 00:30 in the morning when the contractions intensified a lot. They were every 6 minutes and lasted about 25 seconds. But since the maternity hospital is just under 15 minutes away, I decided to wait a little longer. I get up because I needed the toilet, and suddenly I feel a pop—some amniotic fluid leaks out. All excited and completely calm, I go to the toilet; a little more comes out again. I wake Nejc. The contractions are already every 5 minutes, quite intense. I tell him we need to go. But in all that confusion in the middle of the night, the poor thing didn’t know where to go or how. I get dressed, put a towel between my legs, we grab the bag and go. Contractions already every 4 minutes. At 1:24 we arrive at the maternity hospital, where a very kind midwife receives me. I changed into a gown that was five sizes too big. Now I knew it was for real. I felt very calm, but at the same time so full of adrenaline that I could have moved mountains. After I changed, there was another pregnant woman with me who was also going to give birth. That’s when the emotions came pouring out. I’m crying in the bathroom! I wanted to get away from everyone! But my Nik reminds me again that I can do it—and he wants out! “With every contraction I’m closer to you, sweetheart!”, I think. I could hardly wait to meet him!
She checks how dilated I am and says 2–3 cm, and does an amniotic fluid test, which of course is immediately positive. I fill out some paperwork and leave the admissions clinic.
I thought: “Only 3 cm?!” The midwife suggests that my partner can go home to rest if he wants. I was a bit scared, but I completely trusted the midwife—and of course myself!
Nejc was waiting for me outside, and I tell him it will still take a while because I’m barely at just under 3 cm, and that he can go home, while I go to the delivery room. Of course he refuses and insists on staying with me. And even though I knew I could do it, because we learned so much in yoga that helps you relax… I quietly wished he would stay with me! To encourage me… and now I know I wouldn’t have managed without him! He was the support I truly needed. And thank you 100x for that.
So we head to the room where we’ll finally meet our treasure! I wanted to give birth in the alternative room, where they have balls, a rocking chair… But unfortunately it wasn’t free. And I couldn’t have gone there anyway, because my waters had broken and I had to lie down strictly. I didn’t get an explanation for why I had to lie down, but they probably wanted to avoid possible complications. I lie down on the bed; the midwife hooks me up to the CTG. The contractions were intensifying—they were very strong!
At 5:00 in the morning a male midwife appears in the room! “Ooo…” I think, “I’m not having a male midwife, I want a woman!!” When he came into the room and told us he’d be with us from now on, I felt a bit embarrassed. Embarrassed because I thought that probably every woman would rather be seen by women than men in this situation. But… he was so calming, he encouraged me so much and tried his best to help me give birth as soon as possible! He gave it his all! And if I ever had the choice again of who I want as my midwife, I would definitely choose him. He was a midwife with heart, and he explained everything that was happening as we went along.
He looks at me and says I’m at a good 4 cm. I did not want to hear that sentence! I know that for birth I need to be dilated to 10 cm. Almost a day and a half of contractions and only 4 cm! The contractions already felt so strong that I was 100% sure I was at least 6 cm. But I didn’t forget Izidora’s words, “ During a contraction, relax, drift to wherever calms you, and know that with every contraction you’re closer to your baby!”. And that gave me extra motivation to bring the birth to the end!
At around 5:30 AM they put something in my IV. “Ah,” I thought, “that’s 100% an infusion for dehydration!” Then the contractions got closer together again. And then I noticed they had, of course, given me synthetic ones, because my contractions weren’t strong enough! Now they were every 2 minutes, and so strong that I was crying, begging them to help me—my back was burning, down below it felt like it was going to tear me apart, I was vomiting from the force, everything hurt, pressing downward. I couldn’t do it anymore! I saw the pain in Nejc’s eyes too. He couldn’t help me.
At around 6:30 AM they gave me something for the pain. But it was only for my head, because it didn’t help at all!! The contractions were so strong I thought I’d collapse, and I only caught brief glimpses of my partner, with tears almost in his eyes. It was unbearably painful! They gave me a mask—thank God for that mask! The gas and air took me to another world... And even though I was high from the gas, I still felt the contractions a lot. They cut into my soul! I just wanted to hug my partner, tell him how much I love him and how much it meant to me that he was by my side! But I couldn’t. The pain was unbearable, the downward pressure so strong that I thought it would tear me apart! The male midwife appears and checks me at around 8:30 AM and says: “You’re at 7 cm, just a little more!” “Ahh, I won’t manage, give me a C-section,” I think, “it hurts so much.”
At 11 in the morning he checks me again. He keeps his hand inside, stretching me during a contraction! “Owwww!” And at 11:15 I finally heard the magic words: “Ma’am, we’re going to deliver.”
I wanted to give birth semi-sitting. They tell me to lift my legs, tuck my chin to my chest, and hold under my knees. I gathered my last strength. I push. Nejc holds one leg, I hold the other. In between I ask… “Can you see the head? Does he have a lot of hair?” It was burning, and then Bojan tells me they’ll need to cut me a little, otherwise I could tear and the birth would take 2 hours longer! “Oh no… Just cut!” It stings a bit. But I trusted the hospital staff. The male midwife explained that I could tear and that the birth could take another 2 hours if he didn’t… I don’t know if the cut was necessary or not. I only know I wouldn’t have lasted those 2 more hours! So thank God he did it.
I push one more time! The head is out. I push 2 more times and such a tiny little boy flies out of me. Our beautiful little son is born! At 11:35 they lift him up and say: “It’s a boy!”
They place him—small, messy, and trembling with his cry—on my belly, and time stops. That’s when all the emotions burst out. That’s when I became a MUM! These are feelings that can’t be described!
They take Nik away. They stitch me up, and in the meantime Nejc lets the family know that Nik has been born.
For this little being, every second of suffering was worth it—every breathed-through contraction, every tear, and every pain! For you, Nik, I’d go through it again! I love you! My birth was the way I’d somehow expected it—full of emotions, tears, and laughter. But what stayed with me the most was when they pulled this tiny little being out of me, and when Nejc “cut” the connection between me and the baby— he wanted to cut the umbilical cord himself, and he did!
Thank you to my Nejc, who encouraged me and breathed through the contractions with me, and stood by my side throughout the whole pregnancy and birth. Thank you for giving me our son!
Thank you to the midwife who received me and was with me.
Thank you to the male midwife who worked so hard to bring our little treasure into the world.
Thank you to my family!
Thank you to my wonderful April mums, who encouraged me and shared with me—and will share—every joy and every hardship.
Thank you, Izidora, for teaching me how to relax and for encouraging me in yoga.
Thank you, everyone!
Nina
